Thursday, May 5, 2011


So I found out the other day that the stepdaughter deleted me on Facebook.  I know I've been cryptic about her departure from my home on Facebook, but my ex-husband reads my posts and I wasn't willing to be the one who clued him in on her behavior.

When we reconnected with her this last summer, I was overjoyed.  I had developed a close relationship with her when she was a toddler, and after I divorced her father, her mother wouldn't allow us to have any contact with her.  When she turned 18, her mother told her to go to school, get a job, or move out.  So, she asked if she could come stay with us.  I wanted Faith to have a chance to develop a real relationship with her (they are half sisters, after all), and I wanted to be able to help her.

I could tell from the beginning that something was not right.  Before she even moved here, I started discovering things.....the worst being that she had briefly worked for an escort service.  Other troubling issues including being arrested for shoplifting, and signs of drug use in her Facebook posts/pictures.  Knowing that those things would be hard to attain under my watchful eye, I decided to overlook her past and focus on making a better future for her.

The girl I picked up from the bus station at the end of September was a total stranger.  She was nothing like the little girl I used to love so much.  Her first visit with my grandma, she dressed in 5-inch studded gladiator sandals, daisy duke shorts, and a trashy lace top and vest combo.  Grandma was so shocked, she could hardly contain herself.  She later told me (and continued to tell me) she looked like a hooker.  She had a major chip on her shoulder and enjoyed dressing slutty to gain attention.  I tried giving her clothing that was provocative without being trashy, but it didn't work.

The first few weeks she was here, she did try to fit in.  She and I would watch True Blood together and spend hours talking, and she would try to spend time with her sister.  As time went on, she began withdrawing and sleeping all the time.  She started developing "health problems," including a rush to the ER for pelvic pain that was clearly a farce to get narcotics (even I could figure that one out).  Her new doctor diagnosed her with PTSD (something she legitimately struggles with) and put her on Ativan and Seroquel.  Both drugs were super-expensive, even with health insurance....I was paying $70 a month just for her medications.  If she had taken them as directed, I would have found a way to make it work....but she abused the Ativan and took the Seroquel at 5 or 6 in the morning so she could sleep all day.  I also discovered several of my Vicodin missing - I can't prove that she stole them, but Faith would never do that to me knowing the pain I'm in on a daily basis.  After that, I had to carry them with me constantly.

The final straw came when a friend came to take her back to Portland for a visit.  She was clearly using this girl for the ride up and a place to stay....she proclaimed they were in a relationship and posted inappropriate pictures of them kissing on her Facebook (which Faith had access to).  This came on the tail of sleeping with a friend of mine, and having a guy she hardly knew come to visit her and having sex with him in my house.  She ended up never coming back.  Her room is still full of her crap, and she says she's too busy at work (she works 10 hours a week at a tanning salon) to come back for it.  I told her I would ship it to her, but she had to send me the money first.

I let her live here rent-free and paid for minutes, data, and texting on a phone for her.  I guided her towards jobs that would put her in an appropriate environment and would give her a good start on her resume, but didn't pressure her to get a job or pay rent.  My only requirements were very light chores (helping Faith with the dishes, helping her keep the bathroom clean, and keeping her room clean) and being a good role model for her sister.  She clearly failed to do any of them - I had to ask her to do the chores, and she half-assed them.

Not long after she made it clear that she wasn't coming back, she started posting pictures of herself smoking pot.  Now, I have NO problem with people doing it for their own use, whether medical or pleasure.  What I do have a problem with is posting images of it for my very impressionable teenager to see and glorifying it.  What I also have a problem with is hiding behind having a "medical card" and telling people that if they don't want to see it, they don't have to look.  When I confronted her about it, she was a little bitch to me, so I immediately disconnected her cell phone and told her I would no longer pay for her to post inappropriate pictures.  She posted a "poor me, my cell phone was turned off.....goodbye" post on Facebook, and I called her out on it.  The sad thing is, her friends all sided with me.

That catches us up on the stepdaughter issue.  Her crap continues to be strewn all over my spare room, until I decide to go pack it up and she saves enough money to send so I can ship it up.  I am so disappointed and honestly want nothing to do with her from this point - she made a huge mess out of things here for me, for my friends, and for her sister.  She claims no ownership to her actions, acts like a victim and continues to abuse drugs.

For her sake, I hope she cleans up her life and starts building a future for herself.  She seems to be hellbent on destroying herself, and I'm afraid she'll succeed if she keeps going down the path she's on.  It's a shame, she was such a sweet little girl.

1 comment:

  1. Wow. I'm sorry you and Faith had to go through all that with your stepdaughter. You put out a hand to help her and she slapped it away (big time). Here's hoping she comes to her senses and straightens up. She was lucky you were willing to give her a helping hand. Too bad she doesn't know that yet.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.