Monday, May 23, 2011

The Door Has Closed

Before grandma's episode Saturday, I had spent all day Friday packing Laura's left-behind things.  If you don't know Laura's story, this post will clue you in.

Earlier in the week, Laura had texted me and asked me to get everything together so I could ship it.  When I asked if she had the money, she said her mom would be sending it to me.

It's an understatement to say I'm pissed.  I had refused to send her things until SHE paid for them in order to teach her a lesson.  A lot of her issues can be pegged down to her reliance on others to bail her out of situations, so earning the money herself to get her things back would have been a great lesson.

I also heard through the grapevine that she possibly lost her job and has moved back home with her mother.  So at 19 (her birthday was May 2), she can't hold down a job, maintain a relationship, or fend for herself.  I'll admit to being a typical teenager at 19, but I had my own car, went to school full-time, and took care of myself.  With financial aid being so easy to qualify for, there's no excuse for her not to at least be in school.  Her excuse is that she just doesn't WANT to.  Her idea of "making it" in life is doing as little as possible.  It's really sad, because she does have potential.

For me, seeing the packages ship out today through the tracking numbers means the door is officially shut.  My home is no longer open to her, unless she pulls herself together and goes to school or gets a REAL job (10 hours a week cleaning tanning beds is not a job, it's barely a step above an allowance).  I will never allow her to live with me again, she may only visit.  I also refuse to allow her contact with Faith unless she (a) cleans up her life as above and (b) keeps any and all drug use to herself.  I most certainly will not be loaning/giving her money for any reason, either.

When she came here in September, I was willing to offer her a free place to live, transportation to any job she found, and the love of a family who really cared about her.  I don't know about you, but I would have worked my ASS off for a sweet arrangement like that at 18!  It's really a shame that she apparently didn't want a relationship with us.  Deep down, I'm grieving for the loss of that sweet little girl I loved so much way back when.  I know many bad things have happened to her to change that, but we all have bad things happen to us in life.  It's how we accept them, heal from them, and move on with our lives that determine our strength.  I pray she learns that soon enough to be able to still make something of herself.

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